Label Me This.

Many relationships fail because people deem it necessary to label their relationships, either too soon or at all. Some things don’t need to have a name. Some things work better if they are allowed to just flow rather than being forced to fit a form that may not fit naturally. And people don’t get that. It seems simple, but it’s the reason why so many relationships are near perfect, when just friends, and then change drastically when titles become involved. For some reason titles make people feel more entitled. Especially the un-entitled.

Thoughts for consumption. Ponder it.

30 Interesting Facts about Me.

I speak in multitude about a lot of things, which indirectly says a lot about me, but nothing directly. So allow me to tell you a little about me.

The rules are to write 30 Interesting Facts about Me. Though interesting is relative, so we shall see. Here goes, in no particular order:

1. I’m a persnickety eater.
2. I am not fond of animals.
3. I’m ardent about everything that I give my undivided energy to.
4. Large bodies of water freak me out.
5. I’m an anal retentive when it comes to structure and organization.
6. I never post anything without reading it over at least 7 times, unless I’m intoxicated.
7. I love hard or I don’t love at all.
8. I enjoy silence.
9. When I’m nervous my palms sweat.
10. I’m forgiving, but not forgetful.
11. I don’t sleep on pillows.
12. I’d rather listen than talk.
13. I’m reserved.
14. I lack in the ability to dance, so I refrain from it.
15. I don’t like to raise my voice so I require careful listening.
16. Writing awakes me from my sleep.
17. Claustrophobic.
18. Observant.
19. Getting to know me is a-maze-ing. Get it?
20. I always wear a smile, even when it’s not present on my face.
21. I enjoy harmless flirting.
22. I’m always hungry.
23. Super optimistic.
24. I often wonder how I got here.
25. I inquire not to find out what you’ll answer, but to see how you’ll answer.
26. At maximum I use about 200 minutes or less a month of my 1400 min. plan.
27. I’ve traveled to Johannesburg and Cape Town, South Africa.
28. I have issues with trusting.
29. I never walk with bare feet on anything, except in the shower.
30. I concoct the most potent drinks, but you’d never know simply by tasting it.

New Year Welcoming.

The first week of my new year was remarkable. I definitely properly invited the new decade. I didn’t create a new years resolution, because the unsettled problems, issues, and controversies of last year – have no place in my new year. So, rather, I developed a list of goals to achieve throughout the course of this year and steps to take in order to aid in my achievement. The list runs long, which means I’ve got work to do. So if you don’t see me around or perhaps I’m MIA on the social networking scene, that’s a good thing, it means I’m down to business.

Merely 13 days into the year and I feel on top of the world about it. Very esteemed. I’m anxious for the unfolding of what more this year has to offer… or more so, what I have to offer it. Be well. Stay ahead. Focus. Never wait for an opportunity to come to you, when you know where it lives. Don’t seek change, be it, live it, experience it. Welcome 2011!

The ultimate goal at hand is to continue to proceed with life, in a positive direction. Not speaking from expertise, merely speaking from experience. Onward and Upward. Let’s go!

We. were.

We were perfect for one another
but one of us was better for ourselves than we were for the other.

It just needed to be a different day, of a different week, in a different month, followed by a different year, belonging to a different century, that occurred on another planet, because earth didn’t seem to work for us.

Though I’d travel the moon to get us to work, problem was, you were stuck on earth…

I say so much by saying so little
I hope you’ll decipher the meaning of this riddle.

I’ll end this short and sweet, just like we. were.

#WisdomWednesday

Each season ends in relief of itself. At the end of Winter, comes Spring and after Summer comes the Fall. Never in a full calendar will we encounter 365 days (more or less according to leap year) of extensive heat or severe cold conditions. This same system reflects in our lives. Problems, unhappiness, love, distress, all the good combined with all the bad will not last always. A new season will come in the form of a new beginning. What’s most important, above all, is that you learn to acclimate.

The ultimate goal at hand is to continue to proceed with life, in a positive direction. Not speaking from expertise, merely speaking from experience. Onward and Upward. Let’s go!

Advisement.

Question Posed: “How do I know when to let someone go?”

We are like seasons. We change. Evolve. Mature. Trees lose their leaves as a sign of a new beginning. We lose people as we travel through life, which is often indicative of personal growth occurring (by lose I’m not referring to death). Don’t fill yourself with sorrow because of the things you lose during the changing seasons, as development comes, so will greater things. Embrace.

With that being stated… To the question posed:

This is what aids me at arriving to the conclusion of when to let someone go. I evaluate the relationship. Are we both positively benefitting from the connection? Is the relationship mentally, emotionally or physically draining? Is it progressive? Are we helping or hurting one another? Things of that nature. In the event that I feel as if I’m making this person worse, meaning they aren’t growing from our relationship and becoming a greater person, I figure, subsequently they have no use for me. That’s when I know it’s time to let them go. If they aren’t growing from me and vice versa, then it’s likely that they are stunting my growth, which means the flow of me evolving is on pause. I never want that. If the evaluation results are negative, then I, hereby, deem it necessary to remove that person from my life. Perhaps we’ll meet again, perhaps this is the end, but what’s most important is the release of this very moment.

The ultimate goal at hand is to continue to proceed with life, in a positive direction. Not speaking from expertise, merely speaking from experience. Onward and Upward. Let’s go!

Extracurricular Distress.

I have an exercise for you.

Think of all the additional problems, headaches, heartaches, drama, troubles, [insert whatever] and anything else that’s unsatisfactory that is directly affecting your life. When I say additional, I mean things that don’t directly involve you, yet they have a direct impact on you. Other people’s problems. Examples: Your girlfriend/boyfriend is unemployed, your brother doesn’t have his rent, your cousin doesn’t have any gas money to get to work, but the truth of the matter is they NEVER do.

This is what I call extracurricular distress, because this is shit you have to sign up for. Like in high school when you joined the softball team, that wasn’t a requirement of your school studies, you volunteered your time to that, independent of all your regular commitments.

Follow me.

The fact that your bff keeps getting involved in fcuked up relationships after you’ve consoled them, allowed them to move in with you, took care of them, loved them, been there for them, has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with you. You keep giving your all and advising them to let go and move on, but they keep going back. You’re stressed out, haven’t had a good night’s rest in days, your aura is off, your attitude is bad, and you’re upset with the world because of Extracurricular Distress!

Redirect your energy.

I’m not advising being a horrible friend, mother, sister, brother, lover, [insert whatever]. Be the best that you can be, always, to everyone, in everything that you do. But when you see that things are growing beyond you in reference to other people’s lives, don’t sign up for it. You know your cousin doesn’t have gas money for work, but they NEVER do, you’re probably not the only person they can get it from. Stop stressing out, take a deep breath. Same with your brother and mate, if they haven’t been looking for a job, maybe they don’t want one — you wanting that job for them, more than they do isn’t going to supply them with one. Either find a new mate or accept their unemployed status, but stop worrying, that’s extra. Your brother isn’t concerned about his rent because he spent the money on something frivolous because he knew you’d bell him out, like you always do. Let this be a new leaf in learning experiences for you both. For you: you’ve learned to say no and you’re not pulling your hair out over HIS problem. For him: he’ll take some responsibility for his actions and deal with the consequences or simply get the money from somewhere else.

This post is for all the worry warts, all the stressed with fevers in which the symptoms don’t even belong to you. Just remember, if it’s extra, then YOU signed up for it.

Release. Let go. Breathe. Wooosah.

The ultimate goal at hand is to continue to proceed with life, in a positive direction. Not speaking from expertise, merely speaking from experience. Onward and Upward. Let’s go!

Serious Conversation.

I don’t even remember why she was mad or what I did. My intentions are only ever to offer unadulterated honesty. I try not to deal in ambiguity. Yet, I get called an asshole and/or jerk so often that perhaps her tone was justified. Though, I think name calling is nullified. I seriously don’t even remember how we ended here, but she was dead serious.

She said “fcuk you!” I asked if that was an invitation?
She said “I can’t stand you.” I asked if she’d like me to sit down?
She said “I want you to leave!” I said I didn’t realize I’d come.
She said “beat it.” I said okay.
She said “fcuk yourself!” I said I’d prefer not.
She said “read my lips.” I asked which ones?

Needless to say, I was intoxicatingly sarcastic, but after that one, she couldn’t help but laugh and I couldn’t help but leave. She was serious and I was only joking. But how can one be so serious when wearing a smiling face… 0.o

Forever + Eternity.

Dear Lover,

It’s amazing how your love makes me feel like I’m the only one on the universe. Like I’m the repetitive hook to your single verse. Your love is the absolute sweetest entrapment. It’s ecstasy filled rapture.

It takes my breath away, right before it gives it back. And I love you with all of me, with no equivocations of turning back. When I’m in it, it seems your love is never-ending. It knows no moon or no sun. When we’re together, no matter what time of day, it feels as though time has just begun. It’s amazing how when our love is intertwined we become one. Twisted, tied, ripped, stripped, it can never be undone.

Your love is like a breath of fresh air, it lingers in a room even when you’re not there. I, officially, know what is meant by the phrase “love is in the air.” Your love is so poignant, it clouds my mental space. And even if there were no room left in my brain, your embrace, I would never erase.

It’s almost as if words can’t describe my undying love for you, yet you’re so important to me that I go on quests to delicately search for the perfect concepts just to adequately describe your meaning to me, but still they do you no justice. Because you’re perfectly imperfect to me. Even a blind man could see. And the power of your love’s appeal and its presence is so potent, if I were numb I could still feel it…

I feel it… necessary to profess my love for you. Why? Because it’s what lovers do.

I’ll love you forever + eternity because forever simply isn’t long enough. As long as we’re both breathing and in existence, I’ll never give that up. So cheers. Here’s a toast to pure love and not lust. Many don’t know the difference, but they, are not us.

My Story.

I’m not sharing this for recognition nor for sympathy, but because someone needs to hear it. Somebody out there is complaining about minuscule things, that at the end of the day, doesn’t even matter. Someone is throwing a temper tantrum about something they can’t or don’t have. Or even worse, someone is encountering the very same thing that I have just overcome. This is for Everyone who Needs this.

Ask yourself these questions before reading this submission: Have you ever encountered a situation in which your hands were tied and you felt absolutely powerless, to the extent that all you have control over is the capacity of which you breathe, and not even that is yours?..

Allow me to paint a picture for you.

December 10, 2009, my family and I went to bed, you know how it goes when you’re at home with your parent(s), you say your good nights, but everyone goes to bed at different times. Well this particular night was different, we had no idea what would await us the following morning. At around 3AM, I laid in bed, awakened because I noticed the ceiling fan was no longer squeaking (needless to say, I’m a light sleeper). I got up, walked over to the switch, clicked it, but nothing happened. I had to be up in 2 hours to go shopping for an annual charity Christmas benefit my boss gives every year, for underprivileged children, I coordinate it, so being late wouldn’t have been within my best interest. So, I got back in bed and forced myself to sleep. An hour later, I’m awakened again, by a strong stench of some unidentifiable source that I had never smelt before. This time I’m getting a bit cranky. I laid there for a while and realized, I may as well get up, since I need to be leaving in a few anyways. As I exited my room, the scent heightened in strength. I went into my mother’s room,
“ma! What’s that smell?”
My mother: “I don’t smell anything.”
It dawned on me, seconds later, that she was on a breathing machine, of course she doesn’t smell anything. I went back to my room and got dressed, in the dark because the lights wouldn’t come on. Then, I went back into my mother’s room,
“ma, take that thing off your nose. The lights aren’t working.”
She’s half awake, half in dreamland, she replied: “it’s probably just the breaker box, it does that sometimes.” So I bid her a goodbye and rushed out the house.

Not even a full hour later, I get a phone call from my father:
“Hey! You alright?”
I’m like WTF it’s 6am, he must still be on prison time. But I reply, “yeah, pop, I’m fine, what’s going on?”
Pop: I just got a call from one of my boys, said your house was on fire.
Me: My what? Huh? (now my heart is racing) Fuck! Are you serious?
Pop: Yeah.
Me: I’ll call you back. *click*

I immediately dialed the house. No answer. (but of course there’s no answer, it’s on fire!) My mom’s cell. No answer. My brother. No answer. My mom’s boyfriend’s cell. No answer. I’m fuckin’ freakin’ out to the highest extent of freak out. My mind is going crazy, but my composure is kept, because I’m around a group of people with 50+ shopping carts loaded with toys for kids, but I can’t deal with these people right now. I located the manager of Wal-mart, gave him the credit card, told him I had an emergency, charge the card, I’d be back to sign for it and pick up the receipt and card. The trailers were outside, I told the guys to load everything up and unload everything at the location designated. I ensured that everyone knew what they were supposed to be doing and told them to call me if they had any trouble and then I left. Racing home, hoping I don’t get pulled over. I’m still calling every number that comes to mind, NO. ONE. IS. ANSWERING. I’m frustrated! I don’t know what to think. Trying to remain positive, but I can’t help but think that my family has died in a house fire and I’m the only one that left in time to survive it. I’m getting angry. I’m bottled up with all sorts of emotion. Blaming myself. I should’ve made my mother get out of the bed. I should’ve investigated the problem when I first smelled the bizarre scent. But I had no idea it was that….

I arrived at the corner of my street and sure enough, it’s blocked off by fire trucks and an ambulance, I had to take an alternate route and park on the street behind ours. I damn near jumped out of the car before putting it into park. I sprinted up to the house. I saw my mom, brother and some family that made it over, along with straggling passer-byers. Sigh of relief. My mom and brother were crying. First time I had ever seen my brother cry. (I was tempted not to insert this part, because he’ll kill me if he sees this). But crying does not represent weakness, I like to think of it as pain leaving the body. In fact, it takes courage to cry. However, I was moved. I didn’t cry right then, in fact, I’m not even sure I cried at all. Must indicate I have a lot of pain. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.

Fast forward. Everyone is okay. The damage was bad, but the house wasn’t totally destroyed. The fire started in the attic, so the fire mainly destroyed the living and dining room areas of furniture, along with the front portion of the roof of the house, and all the wiring, which caused the electricity blow out, because it was an electrical fire. And my mom did not have fire insurance.

How the fire was discovered: My ma said she got up to use the restroom and went through the living room, which is a really weird direction to travel when the bathroom is right outside her bedroom door, she took the scenic route, I suppose. But she said she looked up at the ceiling and it was black and it started out a small spot, but then it began to spread rapidly. At that instance, she realized what it was and was able to get everyone out. This house is ancient, I’m talking 65+ homestead old. It’s even exempt from property taxes. The living room is the exit, had the living room ceiling collapsed, everyone would have been trapped in the bedrooms.

A bittersweet Christmas it was last year. We all divided up to stay with family, until we could get repairs done. We really didn’t have the money. A lot of people made a lot of promises, to do a lot of things, that day, but when it came time to deliver, no one was to be found. My mom always taught us to rely on ourselves and that’s what we did. We stuck together as a family, the 4 of us and we did what we had to do.

This was especially devastating for me because I had just ended a long-term relationship and decided to move out from where my girlfriend and I, at the time lived in Austin, and back home to Houston, to get my head together and ultimately, my life together. It was almost as if my world was crashing right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do to prevent it from happening.

And… You can only stay with family and friends for so long before they get annoyed and bothered by your presence and they begin to make it blatantly clear that your welcome is worn out. So… we migrated back to our home. Created ways to make it work. We made trips to Lowe’s and did our best to make the situation livable until we could do better. Bought candles, battery operated camping lights, flashlights, coolers with ice, etc. Took baths when it was daylight and did everything we could or needed to do while the sun was up. Me, on the other had, I had work in the mornings which often times extended passed sunset. And bathing by candlelight is only sexy when you actually have electricity. Gotdamn candles make it hot when there is no air. lol Reflecting back, I can make a funny, but the shit was really serious.

I secured a salary paying job two months prior to the fire, so I could’ve gotten an apartment, but I felt that would be unfair to my family. Yeah, they could stay with me in a one bedroom, but for how long? What about our home? Paying money for rent, utilities and other bills, takes away from financial efforts towards our home. This is where I grew up, it’s where my mom grew up. There’s ancestral history in that house. My mom doesn’t work due to her diagnosis of cancer a year prior and my brother does what he can to assist. So many decisions… and so I made one. I decided to stay with my family and we’d get through it. Together.

Have you ever experienced a winter with No heat or a summer with No air conditioning? Talk about intense. It was hotter in the house than it was outside and the cold air was stagnant and it lingered like it owned the place. Talk about attitudes flaring, misunderstandings, and heads butting. I think I finally encountered what it means to go mad.

It took us 8 months to get the repairs totally done. Four weeks ago, marks the day in which our home is fully functional. Talk about amazing. I walk around the house sometimes in the dark just because I’ve grown accustomed to it. My brother laughs at me and says “nigga you know we have lights now, right?!” and we laugh together. I would do absolutely anything for my family. I know that if NO ONE else has my back, they will, minimal questions asked. None of my friends even knew this. This isn’t something I tell people, because it doesn’t necessarily make me proud, but it definitely made me better. And that’s why I’m sharing it now.

This was THE experience of a lifetime. It was one of the toughest trials of my life. And I thought college was a challenge. This reminded me that just when we think things are hard, they could always be harder. So, I stand corrected and grateful. This experience brought my family and I closer right after it tore us apart.

I hope that you’ll take something from this and that you’ll incorporate more gratefulness, more love and more understanding and appreciation into your lives. There is always someone who is worse off than we are. Help people. To all the people who said they’d help us and to just give you a call, and when we called you didn’t answer nor return our calls. If any of you called me today and asked for my assistance with anything, I’d give it to you, cheerfully and willingly, because that’s the type of person I am. I don’t need something for something. That’s where we go wrong. I dedicate my life to the service of others. There are a lot of things that I do that I don’t publicize and I won’t start now. But it is so crucially important to help others, because you never know when you’ll be the one in need. And trust me, one day you will be. Everybody needs somebody, even when you think you don’t.

My ultimate goal at hand is to continue to proceed with life, in a positive direction. Not speaking from expertise, merely speaking from experience. Onward and Upward. Let’s go together!